Legs are tight, rock solid & in agony. Swelling pain concentrated in my thighs and whole lower half of my body. Also strain & discomfort in neck, which felt extraordinarily tight, delicate & as if somebody had been riding around on my shoulders for a few hours. Unable to walk the dog today & felt ashamed. Felt useless to the household.
I don’t feel like it’s a macho thing at all. I just want to be able to help my wife out & sometimes I can’t; and that’s debilitating emotionally. There’s only so much sympathy you can have for yourself. It’s one thing that unfortunately comes in limited supply.
I feel like I’m carrying around a lot of hatred too. I felt huge waves of deep depression setting in about 9pm tonight. I suppose everyone’s routine is thrown out by f***ing NYE. What have I failed to accomplish this year? A big plan for me tonight was to host an increasingly impromptu virtual meeting of friends. That failed to happen when I took a nap just after 9 that lasted til about 11:45.
Tired all the time now. An extremely stressful day. Sorry to be (on) such a downer.
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The Megalomaniac Manual 